Though my comfort zone (in terms of fashion) falls somewhere between Shia Labeouf's pink tights and Bjork at the Academy Awards in 2001, I realize that many girls I know are too afraid to dress the way they want to. They see something cool on the internet, buy similar items, and then let them rot in the back of their closets because they don't want to look "weird." I don't believe my fashion sense is at all that outlandish - well not as much as it used to be. (about to go off on a juicy 10 oz. tangent here) During my punk" (lol) phase I had in 7th grade I was wearing everything from tu-tus over my jeans, to checker board skinny jeans in multiple colors (really ahead of the times or whatever) and jeans covered in patches. My friends dressed very similar but opted for things that were a bit more daring at the time like Dr. Martens (listen we were 12 and it was 2008) and adorned their heads with liberty spikes and the like. We were made fun of on a daily basis obviously (asked things like "why are you wearing that" and "Are you guys lesbians??" which made absolutely no sense but it happened), but I think this part of my life was very important. It was at that point where I totally stopped caring about how I dressed and what people thought of me, which was pretty impressive for a 12 year old. I had a friend named Amy who would dye her hair a different color ever few weeks, ranging from shades of pink, to green, and a combination of lavender and platinum blonde. I don't know if we weren't affected by what people said about us because we had each other, or because we genuinely didn't care. Probably both. Though I don't have any images of myself or my middle school friends at the peak of our punk phase, I have this picture of us as we began slowly fading out of it. Pictured here = me and four other girls; the two on the left were really racist and mean so i decided to ...um yeah, anyway the other two were very sweet human beings whom I really liked. (we forgive and move on right) Don't laugh. Okay I laughed too. Here I am being the token black kid again.
My fashion icons at the time included Hayley Williams of Paramore (c'mon it was 2008) which became toned down around grade 8 when It's On With Alexa Chung aired, I had taken a liking to pop music, and my curiosity about Hollister surpassed my fear of being called a "poser." (I really wonder what life would have been like if I had discovered Tavi Gevinson and stylerookie around this time as opposed to when I was high school. I too probably would have been into old lady couture and layering pearl necklaces over Rodarte dresses that I found in a consignment shop) Most of my emo friends ditched me because I was "too preppy" at this point. Some stuck around and still desired to spend time with me even if I was wearing Abercrombie and listening to Justin Bieber. So I ask, what is it that is holding you back from wearing that piece in your closet that still has the tags on it? Are you still afraid of being called weird? We're like, 78 years old now. WHOOOOO CARESSSSSSSSZSS. Instead of stalking these Instagram models and mysterious Tumblr girls all day wishing you could dress like them, but waking up the next day and throwing on leggings and a tank top (if that's what you like then more power to ya) BE THEM. Who cares about how anybody on this earth will react. Dress in modesty and in good taste of course, but stop limiting your style to what is considered acceptable to your dry, bland, boring peers. May your confidence in your own fashion sense change from that of June-Beth from Wisconsin to that of Elton John himself. Love, Deja I, Deja C. Spears have never been in a relationship. I don't complain about it either (unless it's like midnight and I'm having an annual meltdown where i'm in my feelings listening to a playlist of love songs and crying while talking to Lavender.)
The first response I get when involved in conversations about my lack of a love life is always "why?" ....Because I'm actually a reptilian shape-shifter from Norway?? Like, what does that even mean? I genuinely know not how to answer such a question. Sometimes I respond with "I'm picky," which is very true for the most part and I do have quite high standards especially when it comes to things like Jesus and sense of humor. Other times, I respond with "eh idk just not God's timing I guess" which is most likely the case. An answer I give to those who are carnal-minded is...well, it just hasn't happened yet. Do I think I'm "forever alone?" obviously not. Do boys like me? Yes. Do I like boys? Ya. Have I been involved in anything close to a romantic relationship? No. Do I think there's something wrong with me? No. It just simply hasn't happened yet. Dassit. There are, of course, some things I wish I could experience now like wearing my boyfriends sweater, or to have someone do things like make a mixtape of songs that remind them of me, or to just chill at 2 am and talk about stuff. (I'm over here sweating, trying not to make this sound like a cheesy tumblr post so pls bare with me) Desiring...but not desperate. I mean I sure do have fun wearing my own sweaters and making my own playlists. Also, less responsibilities. Honestly, it's really not that bad. I mean, I plan on dating to marry anyway, which means any romantic relationship during my high school years would have been pointless, plus, I am only 21. I still have a whole life to live, places to see, and many, many, many other people to meet. It will happen when God planned for it to, and I'll know that it is what He has ordained. I'm gonna be absolutely fine. Why complain? So, until God sends some dude who is anointed to fulfill that role, someone who will pray on my behalf and isn't a meanie and *insert a list of many other humble yet practical requirements* and until I am spiritually prepared to do things like set boundaries when it comes to physical contact and meet somebody's WHOLE FAMILY I am ....chillin. It could happen tomorrow, it could happen in a few months, who knows. If you are going through a similar situation, relax. It is not the end of the world. You can very easily be happy and single. Plus, I think it's best to learn how to be content while you're single so when you are in a relationship it will just be another thing that makes you happy, and NOT something you depend on to be happy. Anyway, no man on this earth can fulfill you or fill the void in your heart but Jesus so ummmmm you should probably start a relationship with Him first before you drive your boyfriend up a wall with all of your >needs<. PS... if you're wondering, I have not kissed anyone either. leavemealone xoxo, Deja
As I sit here trying to think of the least pretentious way to to introduce you to the playlist I have curated, I am reminded of the short-lived "music elitist" phase I had when I was about 15. I watched far too many Nardwuar interviews and I spent as many hours on Pitchfork as I did studying. I would literally ignore music recommendations from anyone outside of my friend group and um yeah i don't wanna talk about it anymore I was annoying hehe enjoy da playlist that I just made 5 mins ago feat Prince and Hala (holla!) ((that was a good joke))
|
AuthorMy name is Deja Spears, I am 23, and I am thankful that you are here. Archives
May 2020
Categories |