I am exhausted. My frustrations this week began with the murder of George Floyd. (Donate here.) As this week has progressed, my social media feeds have been bombarded with pure ignorance, and tone-deaf commentary coming from those who can’t seem to grasp what is going on right now.
As many of you may know, I have resided in the Inland Empire for many years. My experience as a black woman in this very white space was at times really interesting - I sometimes viewed it as an opportunity and a platform to advocate for my people. Unfortunately, most of my attempts in doing that were silenced, belittled, and dismissed with phrases like, “you’re being extra” and “it’s not that deep.” I had non-black people silencing my experiences to tell me what they observed instead. These things are only being amplified now. I’ve come across old teachers of mine and many old “friends” whom I thought I stood in solidarity with reveal their true feelings about my people in the timespan of 2 days. Some of these people I had been friends with for 10+ years. It has become so frustrating attempting to educate those around me over and over again that I am at the point where instead I am just blocking people because I don’t have the strength to teach someone who isn’t willing to learn. I am trying to guard my heart from things that are triggering, and I can’t even check my messages without coming across something that makes my stomach turn. I stumbled upon a post made by my old church today, (a very large, white church located in Corona, CA.) regarding George Floyd and the current events surrounding his death, and the first thing I saw was a comment that says “these people are animals.” (Which as of Saturday, May 30th at 8:57 PM...has not been deleted. The comment has been up for 12 hours.) The post itself had a caption that didn’t say All Lives Matter directly, but upon reading it, one can only assume what the OP really wanted to say. With that being said, yes..we are all created equally, but if you break an arm, are you going to put a cast on your leg? No. If your oven is broken, are you going to fix your toaster? No. Privilege is the only thing holding anyone back from seeing why the All Lives Matter mindset is problematic. Aside from that, I am also very disappointed in many pastors, worship leaders, and other white Christians with large platforms who are staying completely silent on these matters. There was one girl around my age with a following of about 145k whom I really, really looked up to. She’s said not a word, but instead uploaded videos of herself playing golf and sharing an iced coffee with a friend. Silence is 100% part of the issue, but they don’t care. I’ve been thinking about how organizations like Bethel are whenever a situation arises where a white life is in danger or needing assistance, and how quiet they are now in comparison. Furthermore, I came across something yesterday that infuriated me to the point of tears. Someone I know said absolutely nothing about George Floyd or police brutality, but made sure to post a video comparing civil rights “peaceful protests” to this weeks riots, demonizing the latter. When I see things like that I just feel like they might as well have said “look, the n*ggers are n*ggering again.” Did Jesus not turn tables when he saw corruption within the temple? Was the Boston Tea Party not a riot? Even when peaceful black protests do occur, someone ends up dying anyway. I am tired of anti-black backhanded “advocacy.” I am tired of being in a constant state of defense. I am tired of my white friends minimizing the situation. I am tired of being dismissed. I am tired of people who have not lived through the same experiences as I, policing my opinions. I am tired of picking up my phone and feeling anxious about what kind of ignorance I am about to see. Anyway, in other news, I am very thankful for the love that is being shown to me through members of my current church. Several people have reached out to me over the past week to check on me and make sure I am doing okay. I am forever thankful for the love and the presence of the Holy Spirit in the hearts of those I have come to know in the past 6 months of me attending this church. No one from back home has said a thing to me about any of this. No one is obligated to do so of course, but I am just kinda shook, especially as I am the only black friend many of them have. (also sus) Speaking of going home, I took a Summer RA position last week, but now I’d love to go home. It was already stressful being here in relative solitude, but with everything going on, and also the fact that I am losing friends and followers for speaking up about what’s happening, things have become even more uncomfortable. Anyway, thank you for listening to my word/emotion vomit. I don’t even really feel like editing this. I need a hug. I am already a very sensitive person, and I just was not built to be in the position to constantly see everyone’s true feelings. My feelings are hurt, but even in a moment like this, I am reminded of the way God knew all of this was going to happen. I am reminded of His presence, and His security that I can dwell in while it seems like everything and everyone else is wavering. In Him alone do I have peace. Please check on your friends, and have some compassion. I pray for your comfort, your peace, and your joy. I pray that God’s light would become more visible to you right now. I pray that if you have found yourself doing any of the things I listed above, that God would soften your heart and give you the desire to challenge yourself to view things differently. Goodnight. xoxo, Deja Unprecedented times we are living through, my friends. It's about 5:00 PM, and it's raining. I decided to remain on campus during the pandemic, and the residence department decided to relocate us all to my school's main campus, which is tucked away up on a mountain in Brentwood. I am on the fifth floor of my building, and the birds who live in the tree adjacent to my window are basically my roommates. I don't mind that though; it kind of makes me feel like Snow White. Everyone is separated for safety reasons, and I don't remember the last time I held a conversation with a human being in person (aside from the staff who work in the dining hall.) With that being said, though everything and everyone feels distant physically at the moment, I don't feel lonely, thankfully. I feel comforted. I like to imagine that this is a retreat that I payed for. Kinda how Bon Iver broke up with his girlfriend, locked himself in a cabin in the woods, and then released one of the greatest indie folk albums of all time?? (ok honestly I think that's an urban legend but we're gonna roll with it)
Aside from this strange blob of uncertainty everyone is dealing with right now, my faith is definitely being strengthened. This all feels like a nice spiritual work out. (I guess this lil retreat I'm on comes with a free gym membership hehe) Aside from the obvious, there are a few other things going on in my life that are requiring me to be actively faithful, and I am doing my best to push through. Jesus is faithful, and promises are promises. Fear is a distraction. As we are praying for those who are being affected by this, don't allow your prayers to be prayers of panic, but pray with the understanding that God hears your prayers loudly and clearly. I beagn attending a new church back in December. I am ever so thankful for what God has been teaching me there, and the wonderful people I have met. Everyone has given me a very warm welcome, and I feel accepted and loved. I could go on for hourzzz. I am also super stoked that everything that is preached is biblically sound. 10/10. As we are temporarily unable to see each other irl, we've been meeting with each other electronically, having Sunday service, weekday devotionals, and other things. Regardless of our circumstances, it's been nice to see everyone's dedication and love for one another. I have been thinking a lot about the first post-quarantine church service, and how I am probably going to cry tears of joy the entire time. Pretty excited. Anyway, I have been contemplating ordering a Nintendo Switch Lite due to my strong desire to play Animal Crossing. I literally spent two hours looking at Animal Crossing memes last night and I am beginning to feel very very strong FOMO. Aside from spending time with Jesus, church, and homework, I have more than enough free time. (Most of which I have dedicated to watching Youtube videos of Animal Crossing play-throughs or Daria.) I have also strongly felt the desire to go back to black hair, which probably will happen. I literally get irritated every time I see these blonde highlights in the mirror. Ok I am rambling now. TTYL. Everything is going to be fine. *virtual hugs* xoxo, Deja
Deja here! I have finally compacted a list of songs that I've been playing a lot these days into one playlist. It's a lot more meaningful than I am making it seem. Pls enjoi. :)
Long time, no see. I feel obliged to give an update as my life has changed drastically since the last time I wrote a blog post. Happily, I shall do so. :)
Around early May, I suddenly had this strong desire to go to school. Yeah, it caught me by surprise as well. I applied in late May, and got accepted in late June and I am writing this blog post from my '''office"'' at my on campus job, where I work as an assistant in the office for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. It is a mouthful, I know. So here I am, living on campus...living the college girl life as a twenty-something, minus the drugs and alcohol, rejoicefully. I've also learned a lot in this short amount of time, have gone through some great experiences, and some that weren't so great. Last week, I allowed a guy with a Reptar tattoo to make an impact on my life which was....well it was. I'll write about that in a book someday when I am a best selling Christian author in Heather Lindsey's tax-bracket. (what a queen.) Anyway, I had a horrible battle with stress, exhaustion, dehydration, and vertigo and cried myself to sleep almost every night for about two months because of it, but Jesus heals and I am literally a new woman. I cannot thank God enough for healing. WOO. In that battle were there also many spiritual battles that came along with it. Jesus' strength is what I got me through August. These days, along with work and school, I am really focusing on maintaining joy. Life really is a fairytale and perception is everything. I stopped allowing myself to dwell in sadness a few years ago, but I never understood the concept of remaining content in every season. Enjoying every little footstep I take. Rejoicing at the beetle that landed on my food instead of being frustrated about it. Taking a moment to breathe and watch each leaf on a palm tray sway in the wind. Life really isn't that difficult. Sure there are difficult times, but it is incomparable to everything else that has been given to us. Love, Deja The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. - Romans 8:6
We've all been there. We 're minding our own business doing what we are supposed to do when all of the sudden, an unrighteous thought comes creeping in, almost clouding our consciousness. In that split second, we either have the choice to A.) cast that thought down and hold it captive to the Word of God, or B.) To let it bloom, act upon it, and fall short again. The enemy's camp is a dangerous place to be, and lust is an open door into it. As Matthew 15:19 says, out of the heart come forth evil thoughts. Since we know that sin (especially lust) is meditated on before it is acted upon, it is important to constantly have your guard up, or the shield of faith wherewith we quench every fiery dart of the enemy (Ephesians 6:16) I believe a huge part of it is holding our thoughts captive to God's word. For instance, if I am meditating on a thought that is impure, I hold it captive to Philippians 4:8, which says Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. It has become a huge part of my decision making process, and it also encourages me to stay in the Word at all times. How am I going to fight back if I have no ammo? The second most important thing in guarding the mind from the spirit of lust is what you are feeding your spirit. In this I mean movies, music, and whatever else. Matthew 5:30 tells us to cut off whatever it is that causes us to sin. That means, if the Netflix series you are watching is contaminating your spirit and exposing you to lust, it may be time to give it the boot. I recently went through my Spotify playlists and deleted things that I felt weren't good for my spirit, and things that may plant seeds of lust and unrighteousness in my heart. Another thing that is obviously dangerous to feed your spirit is *drumroll please* pornography. The word "pornography" stems from the Greek word "porneia" which translates to illicit sexual intercourse, fornication, or adultery. In other words, watching it is still sin. It is a perversion of god's original intentions for the creation of sex, and it often leads to other sin, such as masturbation. I feel as though many tip toe around the topic of masturbation, but I don't have time for that soooo I'll just say it. It's sin. It stems out of lust. Though God's word may not say it directly, we can discern it by the fruit that it bears, and what exactly it is that leads people into doing it. It's like trying to see how close you can get to the fire without getting burned, and even the thought of wanting to see just how close you can get is disobedience. If lust is something you struggle with, it may not be that easy to overcome, but there are most definitely steps you can take. I listed a few above, but it is most important to remember that it cannot be done on your own. It starts with recognizing the issue, and bringing it to Jesus. I pray that we desire holiness above the flesh. I pray that God breaks our hearts for what breaks His and that we no longer want the things that weigh us down. I pray we desire things that bear the fruit of the holy spirit, and that our spirits may be grieved by things like lust, sexual immorality, pornography, and masturbation, so that we may no longer fall short. God, if there is anyone reading this who is in a constant battle with the spirit of lust, may you pour out your spirit upon them, annd equip them with what they need to fight back. In Jesus name, amen. In Him you can do all things. Love, Deja 14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
We know the verse, but I feel as though many fail to realize that unbeliever does not necessarily mean someone who does not accept Jesus as their Lord and savior, but someone who does not bear the fruit of the Word of God. Someone who is not on the same level as you spiritually. Just because someone has a relationship with Jesus, serves in the church, can quote bible verses, and goes through all of the motions, does not mean they are God's best for you. In this, I am not saying the person you are meant to marry is supposed to be perfect by any means, but beneficial towards your walk with Jesus. Some months ago, The Lord began to fix my attention towards believers I know who are in unequally yoked marriages, and the unnecessary stress and spiritual warfare they all go through. The disagreements that could so easily be worked through if the other person had the heart of Christ and was obedient to the word of God. At that point, I realized how much of an inconvenience the boy I was talking to towards the end of the Summer would have been towards my relationship with Christ. I began to thank Jesus that it ended. I no longer felt sad or upset, but victorious yet, remorseful that I had allowed that situation get past hello. I thought about the time that I had wasted, and wondered what would have happened if I had submitted to Jesus by not continuing to talk to that person. I once read a Tweet which said, "choose wisely, your future spouse either becomes your prayer partner, or a prayer point." That statement shook me to my core, and if my friends thought I had high standards before, boy they are in for a treat now. I want my future husband to be able to "wash me in the Word," as Ephesians 5:26 says. I want Him to be quick to listen and slow to anger as James 1:19 says. I want a husband who is good enough to submit to and I'm not going to settle for less. Once again, no one is perfect, and there are going to be scratches and dents in every potential mate but many of us jump into romance, hiding our eyes from the wheels that are falling off of the vessel, intentionally distracted by how nice the paint job is. We try it out anyway, expecting a good result from the mess that we ignored, and complain and cry out to God when it falls apart. "Well, what should I look for in an equally yoked relationship, Deja?" Your significant other should only push you closer to Christ. He or she should be giving as much as they take, spiritually. They should make you want to flee sin. They should be understanding and supportive of your purpose. They should be a reflection of who Christ is. So...If you know you're involved with someone who is the opposite of any of the good traits I've listed above...cut it off. Blessings follow obedience, and you may not know it, but SO many people are looking to you as an example of what a follower of Christ is. So many people are waiting on our obedience. Corinthians 15:33 reads, "Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals." Guard your heart. Date with discernment. Test the fruit. Pray for confirmation before entering any kind of covenant. Be smart. Love, Deja xoxo Helloooooo everyone, long time no see! I haven't been as active as I'd like to be on my blog but hopefully that will change from today on out. So much has changed since July. I don't even know where to begin. Buckle up. I'll start off by saying that 2018 has been a year of harvest. I think back to locking myself in the bathroom and praying as soon as the clock struck 12 on New Years' Day, asking Jesus for prosperity, and prophesying over the year that it would be a year of breakthrough and harvest, which it has been. God is faithful. I'm using skills that I acquired during the seasons of hardship, and isolation. I have deeper understanding of why God allowed me to go through certain trials. Anyway, in March, I got scouted for LA fashion week. Crazy, right? Thousands of models attend open calls for LAFW, and God positioned someone to set me apart and choose me. It most definitely restored my interest in pursuing modeling (as God has instructed me to do last year.) It all happened so fast. I felt the Holy Spirit pushing me to go to take that Saturday off, and go to the Riverside Plaza. SO without hesitation, I did. I kind of walked around aimlessly, unsure of what I was supposed to find there, but the Holy spirit lead me the entire time. After buying a pack of salmon jerky from Trader Joe's, I began walking in the opposite direction, where a woman stopped me and asked me about LAFW. I was suspicious at first (bc I let those stories about sex trafficking plant a seed of fear in my heart ahhhh) but I met with her and her son (who was the manager of the brand I walked for) and it all played out perfectly. It was no coincidence that she was also on fire for Jesus. :-) At the fashion show, I met tons of models, photographers, and... "influencers." It was cool, but many of the people I met were kinda into themselves which was expected, yet disappointing after it became reality. I did meet a few kind human beings though. I went to an after party to people watch with a few makeup artists I had befriended, and oh my gosh the demonic activity in the atmosphere was off the scale. Honestly, the Holy Spirit told me to leave as soon as I walked in and I was being stupid and i stayed. I just stood there awkwardly in the corner and tried to figure out how people enjoy situations like that. I repent Jesus :-( I know have a much better understanding of the importance of obedience, even in seemingly harmless situations. We never know what God is protecting us from. Not only did walking in the fashion show lead me to later signing my first modeling contract with Willow Model Management (thx Jesus! u da best ily) but the Lord also used it to lead me to what I now consider to be my home church. One of the models in the show posted something on Instagram about a worship band which I ended up following, and going to a worship night they had in late September. Honestly, it changed my life. The Holy Spirit lead me to speak out about my struggle with anxiety, which has now been defeated. I met a bunch of cool, Jesus loving human beings who invited Sadie and I to their church. The church holds a young adult service every Thursday, and to see so many people who are my age worshiping Jesus and holding Him as the #1 priority in their hearts is so inspiring. It has totally made my relationship with Jesus even more personal than it was before. Actually, as I type this, I am sitting down in the coffee shop that is built into the church. Go figure. Like I said, I've met a lot of really cool people here who have accepted me with open arms in such a short amount of time. I really feel the presence of the Holy Spirit at this church, and worship always has me absolutely wreckedt. SO anointed. So pure.
I forgot to mention that I stopped working at a certain some lady threatened to kill me in March (I ended up quitting like two weeks before the fashion show so that worked out too) which was P interesting. I titled this post as "A Shift" because surely there has been a large shift in my life, even since September. I was being attacked by the enemy on almost every side around that time, and that worship night birthed an entire new season of my life. Everything is so different. I am more in tune with the Holy Spirit. I am learning the importance and pleasure of community and fellowship. I find that the lessons I learned during hardship through 2012-2017 are being put to use. I have been put in situations that Jesus trained me for during the seasons of isolation and pruning, and come out of them with peace because I used what He taught me. I've been equipped with a new set of spiritual weapons. I am armored in Christ. I'm not sure what else God has in store for me for the rest of this year, but I am looking forward to blessing His name for whatever it may be. Thankz for reading this I appreciate u may you have a blessed day and may the Lord keep you in all that you do, and may you be equpped with everything you need to quench every fiery dart of gthe enemy. In Jesus name amen. Love, Deja I have always had a thing for menswear. When shopping, I often see pieces and think, "I would love for my boyfriend (who I don't know yet) to wear that!" I am quite picky not only when it comes to men in general, but how he styles himself. For example, I love a man who isn't afraid to wear bright colors, or experiment with something that looks a bit off-putting. (dressing outside of what your peers consider to be the norm is a great way to build confidence anyway) Of course I wouldn't reject a guy for not being able to dress well, I just couldn't see myself dating someone who wears True Religion jeans and Ed Hardy shirts. (I apologize for the Jersey Shore flashbacks.) Anyway, today I've gathered up a few examples of men whose fashion senses have always sparked joy in my heart, and have even inspired me to purchase a lot of the items that I own. Enjoi boiz n galz (P.s. it may take a little while for each slideshow to load.) Jonny PierceAside from also being the main man of my favorite band, The Drums, Jonny has always inspired me with his subtle 80s feels. He never looks like he's trying too hard, either. I must also add that he inspired me to roll up the cuffs of my jeans back in the day. Luka SabbatBeing born to parents who are both in the fashion industry, the fact that he became a celebrity stylist at the age of 17 comes to no surprise. Luka is known to be quite daring when it comes to street style (he actually gets made fun of on the internet for it) KeyWhile doing my research, I found that there were almost too many pictures of Shinee's Kim Kibum for me to use. His style is just so good. Never too polished, and months ahead on trends before they start, I can't help but wonder what his closet looks like. Daniel SimmonsWhile holding the title of being every black girl's celebrity crush in 2012, Daniel "Diggy" Simmons just...gets it. He's very suave yet very laid back. He's almost always dressed like he's on vacation in Miami, but I dig it. Anwar HadidA bit on the grungier side, Anwar's style never seems out-of-place, really. It's thriftable, normal enough to wear around your grandpa, and pretty cozy looking. Ideal. VV, or BTS Kim Taehyung is the reason I bought palazzo pants in 2016. Don't tell anybody that, Anyway, he's really good at coordinating pieces that don't seem like they'd work together and he exudes nothing but confidence. Harry StylesThough every man listed above has worn Gucci at some point in life, Harry owns it in a way that makes it look like it was made for him specifically. His jeans are sometimes a bit too tight for my personal taste, but nevertheless, MANS still knows what he's doing.
As adults, we no longer have any usage of the breastmilk we drank when we were babies. As believers, we no longer have an need to stay in the milk of the word when we should be consuming the meat of it. A verse that has always resonated with me is 1 Corinthians 3:2 which reads, "I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able."
My understanding of "spiritual milk" would be the basics of the bible. Keep in mind that "basics" does not equate to "less important information" nor does it mean "things I don't have to follow." Some of the basics would most likely include instructions such as fleeing fornication, avoiding profane language, cutting off those who entice you to sin, the entirety of the ten commandments, etc.Rules we should all know, live by, and basically have ingrained in out hearts by now. So, what is the "meat" of the word? Well, the things many people like to skip around. The things most Christians don't typically discuss at church. One behemoth of an example could be the instructions Jesus gave us before ascending into heaven. 17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; 18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. How is it that we totally ignore some of the most clear instructions that Jesus gave us? Cast out demons, heal the sick, speak in tongues. Growing up in a baptist church, these are things I didn't get to see or experience until I got saved for real about 2 years ago, and surely, I was missing out on a whole lot. I was missing out on what has now strengthened my faith in Jesus tremendously. I've seen people be healed right before my eyes. I understand the power and authority that casting out demons requires, and I walk in it by faith. I began to speak in tongues. These things are obviously important, as they are some of the LAST words Jesus said to us before ascending into heaven, but many believers are afraid of, or do not view these instructions as important. Some prefer to stay in the book of Psalms only, while totally ignoring spiritual warfare. Some wake up and their only prayer is "Thank you Lord for another day on earth" which is great but meanwhile, satan is having a field day in their lives, destroying their marriages, killing their families, and keeping them in anxiety, stress, confusion and fear. Sure some things just "happen" but many believers fail to understand that these things don't always have to. Luke 10:19 says I have given you authority to trample over serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy and they SHALL NOT by any means prosper or harm you. You have complete authority over these things, and I believe the enemy uses fear to hinder a lot of Christians from praying against satanic warfare. Spiritual meat is having an understanding of the spirit realm. Spiritual meat is having the understanding to lay hands over a sick stranger and pray because the Holy Spirit told you to. Spiritual meat is living as though your life is taking place at the same time as the book of Acts. Spiritual milk on the other hand is knowing that there is more to this "Jesus thing," but failing to do research and learn what it is you need to do because "you don't feel like it" or you've made the "I'm not ready" excuse. Spiritual milk is having been a christian for over 5 years and having no answer when someone asks "why are you a Christian?" I too had to learn how to get out of the milk of the word and into the meat of the word. The only thing that held me back was fear. I later realized that I didn't want to be spiritually illiterate anymore. So I increased my faith. I Began to do things like lay hands over myself and my family members and listened to testimonies of my friends who had literally seen people be raised from the dead during their church services, and I...for lack of better words, stopped playin. Sure, during the beginning of our walk, spiritual milk is necessary. It may be difficult for a newer Christian to understand the things I listed above. For seasoned believers, we should be able to receive new revelations and be taught things we didn't know before. I once had a Lyft driver (who I believe God specifically positioned for me to minister to her) tell me that she felt like she wasn't getting any word from her church anymore. She said that she already knew the things they spoke about ever service, but was unsure if she should leave or not. So I told her to pray about this of course, but I also explained to her the difference between spiritual meat and spiritual milk, and that essentially, there are levels to this thing. A seasoned Christian of 10 years has no purpose being in Sunday school with the 5 year olds. Ask yourself: what is it exactly that is holding me back from diving into God's presence a little deeper? Xo, Deja Though my comfort zone (in terms of fashion) falls somewhere between Shia Labeouf's pink tights and Bjork at the Academy Awards in 2001, I realize that many girls I know are too afraid to dress the way they want to. They see something cool on the internet, buy similar items, and then let them rot in the back of their closets because they don't want to look "weird." I don't believe my fashion sense is at all that outlandish - well not as much as it used to be. (about to go off on a juicy 10 oz. tangent here) During my punk" (lol) phase I had in 7th grade I was wearing everything from tu-tus over my jeans, to checker board skinny jeans in multiple colors (really ahead of the times or whatever) and jeans covered in patches. My friends dressed very similar but opted for things that were a bit more daring at the time like Dr. Martens (listen we were 12 and it was 2008) and adorned their heads with liberty spikes and the like. We were made fun of on a daily basis obviously (asked things like "why are you wearing that" and "Are you guys lesbians??" which made absolutely no sense but it happened), but I think this part of my life was very important. It was at that point where I totally stopped caring about how I dressed and what people thought of me, which was pretty impressive for a 12 year old. I had a friend named Amy who would dye her hair a different color ever few weeks, ranging from shades of pink, to green, and a combination of lavender and platinum blonde. I don't know if we weren't affected by what people said about us because we had each other, or because we genuinely didn't care. Probably both. Though I don't have any images of myself or my middle school friends at the peak of our punk phase, I have this picture of us as we began slowly fading out of it. Pictured here = me and four other girls; the two on the left were really racist and mean so i decided to ...um yeah, anyway the other two were very sweet human beings whom I really liked. (we forgive and move on right) Don't laugh. Okay I laughed too. Here I am being the token black kid again.
My fashion icons at the time included Hayley Williams of Paramore (c'mon it was 2008) which became toned down around grade 8 when It's On With Alexa Chung aired, I had taken a liking to pop music, and my curiosity about Hollister surpassed my fear of being called a "poser." (I really wonder what life would have been like if I had discovered Tavi Gevinson and stylerookie around this time as opposed to when I was high school. I too probably would have been into old lady couture and layering pearl necklaces over Rodarte dresses that I found in a consignment shop) Most of my emo friends ditched me because I was "too preppy" at this point. Some stuck around and still desired to spend time with me even if I was wearing Abercrombie and listening to Justin Bieber. So I ask, what is it that is holding you back from wearing that piece in your closet that still has the tags on it? Are you still afraid of being called weird? We're like, 78 years old now. WHOOOOO CARESSSSSSSSZSS. Instead of stalking these Instagram models and mysterious Tumblr girls all day wishing you could dress like them, but waking up the next day and throwing on leggings and a tank top (if that's what you like then more power to ya) BE THEM. Who cares about how anybody on this earth will react. Dress in modesty and in good taste of course, but stop limiting your style to what is considered acceptable to your dry, bland, boring peers. May your confidence in your own fashion sense change from that of June-Beth from Wisconsin to that of Elton John himself. Love, Deja |
AuthorMy name is Deja Spears, I am 23, and I am thankful that you are here. Archives
May 2020
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